Live your fear, love your failure

Copyright 2005 Suzen Larsen King

I once heard Woody Allen say that if he went for a period of time without making a movie that flopped he knew that he wasn't challenging himself enough. As he explained it, taking chances is a large part of the creative process. In other words, if you aren't taking chances, you will never grow and your creativity will simply wither and die.

At workshops when I stand up in front of groups and announce that I have been fired from jobs among the list of other less-than-stellar events in my life, people generally wince and gasp. I presume they are more shocked at my admitting this to a group of strangers than they are at the fact that I might have lost a job or two. Somehow the idea that stumbling and falling is not a part of a successful life has taken hold in our psyches. There is a definite element of shame in failure. We squirm to hear others talk about their skinned knees in public.

So in the interest of setting a few people free, let me say this: failing is nothing to be ashamed of! If you are a person who is striving to learn new things, and uncover your talents, you are bound to take a wrong turn from time to time. The good news is that nothing in life is wasted. That said, I can honestly say that in retrospect, I can see that every job I have had has contributed to the skill bank I have today. And if I hadn't been let go from a couple of them, I might still be there today, languishing and withering away. And causing some supervisor or another to wring their hands and gnash their teeth. Thank heavens someone had the good sense to release me from my misery!

Every period of growth is accompanied by bangs and bruises. Welcome these signs of life in yourself and rejoice in your own courage to push into unknown territory! When you do stand-up comedy and no one laughs, or throw a party and no one comes to it, or give an inappropriate gift to someone, look at it this way--you have the opportunity to learn something about yourself, your work, your friends and refine your focus so that you're better at what you want to do.

A couple of years ago, I had the great privilege of listening to author Chris Bohjalian read from his new book The Buffalo Soldier, in front of a crowd of loyal fans in Burlington, Vermont. Chris talked about some of his first books and how badly he assessed his early writing from the vantage point of his current success. To his chagrin, a woman in the crowd popped up holding copies of all of the books he was wishing would have been destroyed years ago. I couldn't help but think two things:

1) when you're a writer, your mistakes live on in print a lot longer than you wish they would, and 2)what joy Chris must feel at seeing the skill he has developed since his early writing.

If he had stopped with the first books, the only record of his writing would have been the less-than-stellar work he did then. But continuing to apply himself to his craft allowed him the self-affirming pleasure of seeing his writing on the bestseller list.

Perhaps the best way to make friends with failure and release its power, is to simply stop thinking of it as such. There is a Buddhist saying, “The loveliest flower grows in the dirtiest mud.” To me this means to understand that we are nurtured and developed in our messy mistakes and miscalculations. Like the blacksmith that hammers and pounds out the flaws in his iron, we are refined and beautified through our corrections and continued learning. Do not be ashamed of your “failures,” nor run from your fears. Rather, jump in with both feet as you accelerate your process to creative success. And give thanks for those skinned knees--they are truly your badge of courage.

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