Bad Lying Habit: How to help the liar to stop lying? Six steps you can take today.

Liars lie because they can lie. Over time they become expertsin lying Their success today depend on their ability to lie.They have become dependent on this habit. Lying gives them afeeling of control in a situation they cannot control. Noticethe word "feel". In other words, they assume they cannotcontrol the situation if they don't lie. Let us try to justify why we lie?The world we live in teach us that we are not allowed tofail. Our parents want us to achieve, they tell us thatcowboys don't cry, they punish us when we fail.... They usedifferent punishing tools; physical or emotional tomanipulate us. For example, Jonny's mother shouts at her son, "Jonny, whydid you break the window?" Jonny doesn't want to disappointhis family and tells a quick lie, "It wasn't me. It's thatnaughty Peter!" His mother shouts back, "You're a little liar- it was you. Go to your room now!" His mother assumed that he broke the window and never gavehim the opportunity to explain how the window got broken. Sheaccused him without listening to his side of the story andreinforces his lying habit. It doesn't take long for Jonny tobelieve he is a liar. It is clear that Jonny cannot reason with his dominatingmother and he realises that he needs to practice his lyingskills to avoid pain.We all want to move away from pain and by realizing that bylying the first time... it worked... we then use the lyinghabit again and again. We then practice the lying habit andwe become expert liars. Parents and society in general prefer to avoid risk andfailure. By avoiding risk they help to create liars. Childrenare not allowed take risks and when they fail they getpunished. They then use lies to avoid failure. They getreminded of their lying habit, which reinforces their failureand therefore feeding their lying habit.How do you help the liar?1)Take stock of your own character.If you create the situations, where the Jonnies of this worldrevert to lying then you need help. How do you create theopportunity for Jonny to lie? Most of the time you may bemanipulative, you threaten, you are jealous, suspicious oryou may have the worst habit in life - by being aperfectionist!2)Accept that the lying behaviour is not the person.This may be difficult for you to accept. The liar uses thebehaviour to cope with his or her situation. Can you help tocreate an environment where lying is not necessary? Can yourecognise the lie and address the behaviour rather thanpunishing the liar? Can you disassociate yourself from theemotional affect the lie may have on you? Can youdisassociate the person from the lying behaviour?Remember that lying is a choice and therefore the liar canchoose to change. As soon as you look at the behaviour (theaction) and address that instead of the person you are on thewinning path.3)You and the liar must accept that lying is a choice andthat lying is bad for the relationship.You know that the liar lies and you and the liar must acceptand agree that he or she is a liar. Now you have the basis towork towards a new beginning. 4)Allow people do make mistakes and must take risks.If you want to help the liar, ask yourself if you are aperfectionist (somebody who likes to do things properly andwho expects only the best from other people). The liar willnot be able to change the lying behaviour overnight and willfail from time to time and you need to move away from yourcomfort zone and allow space for the behaviour to change. 5)Forgive the liar and forgive yourself.The liar carries a lot of baggage. The worst being theemotional drain caused by lying because their inner selfreminds them that lying is incorrect. Liars have anotherproblem: They need to remember what they said. (I am nottaking about a psychopath). By forgiving, you can unload the guilt you carry and you'llfind it easier to focus on the lying habit and not theperson.6)Keep a diary on how the lying affects your life.As I mentioned above you must take stock of your owncharacter. The best way to do this is to keep a dairy of howlying affects you, how you react and what emotions it stirsin your life. Use a dairy as a feedback system for your owngrowth and on how you can help the liar.-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--Johan Horak, is the publisher of Habit Busting Secrets:"Learn how to break ANY habit -- in 21 days (or less)guaranteed!"Click Here===>>http://www.breakingthehabits.com/latest/lying.html-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--** Attn Ezine editors / Site owners ** Feel free to reprintthis article in its entirety in your ezine or on your site solong as you leave all links in place, do not modify thecontent and include our resource box as listed above.Affiliate details are available here:http://www.breakingthehabits.com/latest/affiliate.htmlFor Weekly Self Help Articles Subscribe here:http://www.breakingthehabits.com/latest/freeselfhelparticles.htmlIf you do use the material, please send us a note so we canlook. Thanks.johan at breakingthehabits.com

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