Reflections of a Once Resentful Graduate
Reflections of a Once Resentful Graduate Live Your Abundant Life by Aya Fubara Eneli
I have four college degrees and attended two commencement exercises, but I don’t remember ANYTHING any of the commencement speakers said. It wasn’t the speakers’ fault…it rarely is. My law school graduation speaker was no other than Janet Reno, yet surprisingly, nothing she said that day has stayed with me … that I know of. While many of my classmates were clearly overjoyed at their accomplishment, and others were simply relieved to actually be graduating, I was bored and irritated and merely in attendance to honor and please my parents. Rather than listening to the speeches the speakers must have painstakingly crafted, I had some statements of my own that I decided to make. Much to my parents chagrin, I had painted the words “Join the Revolution” on my graduation cap, I had a laminated picture of Malcolm X on the front of my gown, and I had sewn red and green swatches down the back of my black graduation gown so that it resembled a red black and green flag. I had on a skirt suit made out of “Akwette” material woven in Nigeria and tailor-made for me, and I carried a flag of Nigeria. As then, my statement is probably as lost on you as it was on the majority of the seven thousand plus crowd in attendance. “What’s the point, and does it have to be made now?” my mother asked. My father recognizing that I was all geared up for a fight persuaded her to let me be. As millions of students graduate across our country over the next few weeks, I can’t help but wonder what they are thinking… how they are feeling. How do they feel about the education they received? What will they remember most about their years in school? What made them happy? What infuriated them? What are their hopes for the future? Whatever reaction you are currently getting from your graduate, I caution parents and adults not to just discard what their graduates are saying or may be trying to say. Life is a lot more complicated than that. For example, how could I explain to my parents the frustration and rage that builds up over four years of striving for an education that subtly but effectively attempted to discount significant aspects of who I am – my ethnicity and cultural background as a person of African descent who calls Nigeria home? How does one not only remain silent, but also go so far as to honor the very establishment that one feels has consistently dishonored her and even attempted to mold her into what she is not? Yet, you argue, isn’t that what education is all about? “Perhaps,” you say, “education shouldn’t necessarily dishonor a person, but it should show them the limitations and fallacies of their ‘old’ ways and imprint them with new information, skills and perspectives that allow a person to fit into society and be a productive member. And when you are a minority in the society, does it not follow that you must be willing to let go of a lot more of who you are so that you can excel in a world organized and run by the majority? After all, is this form of education not to your advantage in the long run?” Decades later, I am amazed to realize that I relish, even cherish, my seven years as a student at The Ohio State University. While I certainly pray that compassion and enlightenment will spare other members of minority groups from the excruciating pain and frustration of rigid conformity (otherwise known as racism and eurocentrism), today, I am grateful for the lessons learned through those experiences (though not the experiences themselves). Ultimately education consists of more than just what you get in the classroom. It is the sum totality of how you learn to get along and to contribute to the world in which you live. I acquired a great many skills and was exposed to myriad ideologies and ways of being which have equipped me to be gainfully employed and even create opportunities for others. Luckily, my family, cultural background and religious training also provided grounding and experiences that reaffirmed my worth regardless of what my teachers and even textbooks espoused. In the process, I have learned the value of “doing like the Romans when in Rome”, but only to the extent that I am not compromising my values and my sense of whom I am. Once rapport has been built, then I can share more of my culture with them. Truth be told, quite often you give no thought to or can’t figure out who you are until someone tries to tell you what they think you should be. How would you know ‘good”, if there was no “evil” against which it could be juxtaposed? Have not the struggles of ethnic minorities in the US consistently challenged and expanded this country’s notion of freedom and justice? That said, I do humbly beseech educators to rethink some of the tactics employed when teaching children/people who may be different; whether that difference be race, gender, religion, weight, learning style, level of ability, etc. If you really want to get a point across to a person, first validate him or her. To all the graduates and would-be graduates, school, graduation requirements and commencement exercises can all feel like a tremendous drag, but if you stay with that feeling, you are missing the boat. Don’t deny yourself nourishment and a bright future just because you have to pick out the bones in your meal. Your education is ongoing through the good and not so good and the attention you pay now will pay great dividends down the line. Like Hank Aaron said to the Emory University School of Law in 1995, "In playing ball, or in life, a person occasionally gets the opportunity to do something great. When that time comes, only two things matter: being prepared to seize the moment and having the courage to take your best swing." Make your own statement if you will, it is a courageous thing to do and nothing was ever invented or created by just following the norm. But by all means, make sure you are listening and learning enough to be prepared to seize the moments as they come. Here’s wishing you your abundant life!
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